Ruby's birth story - One year later

A year ago today, I was 2 1/2 weeks overdue with Ruby. I had her in the early morning hours of Thursday, July 10, and had my birth story posted by that night. That's two of the nice things about a home birth: you don't have to worry too much about going "late," and you can lounge around on the computer, watching TV and eating your own food all day. So I wrote the birth story, but I have never been very happy with it.

See, I am a bare bones kind of person. I'm not terribly touchy-feely, and my writing tends to be more analytical than emotional. That is all well and good for research posts, but it doesn't lend much to a birth story. After a year of reading beautiful, emotional, touching birth stories, I want for my own to be more poetic than it is now. (Part of it also has to do with the mode of birth - it wasn't exactly a lovely, quiet, spiritual romantic experience. Ruby's birth was fast and hard, more like a "wham-bam-thankyoumaam!" That's not easy to put into flowery prose.) So, a year later, that is what I will attempt to do now. Here is Ruby's birth story, retold. It will probably be very long, so just grab a sandwich and settle in. If you don't want to read this whole thing, feel free to go back and read the first version, which is pretty cut-and-dry.


The perfect, unassisted birth of Ruby Lynn

I planned an unassisted birth with Ruby. I had been to see a couple of doctors and a midwife, but by the 25th week of pregnancy, I decided that I was not interested in sharing my birth with a paid professional, so I declined further prenatal care and finished the pregnancy doing my own prenatal care. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions since the second trimester, but around 36 weeks I started having prodromal labor. Prodromal labor is basically practice runs of the "real" labor. Two or three times a week, I would have regular, strong contractions for a couple of hours, then they would just peter out. This usually happened at night, so I was only sleeping 2-3 hours on those nights. In addition, I was peeing every hour, on the hour, and I suffered from SPD, a pregnancy-related connective tissue disorder, which made sleeping and rolling over virtually impossible. I tell you these things so you can understand where I was at the end of the pregnancy. And remember, these issues started worsening about a month before my due date.

I had a photographer friend come out to visit me during the two weeks around my due date. She was to take labor, birth, and newborn photos for me. Well, my due date came and went, and still no baby. We even went out on my due date to take maternity photos. (Word to the wise, don't wait until term to take maternity photos. It's not your best look.) Another week passed, and I still hadn't had the baby. The day came for her to leave, so I drove her to the airport, then drove over to my friend Jenna's house for some visiting. I spent 3-4 hours driving that day. When I woke up the next morning and tried to walk, all of a sudden I couldn't! Not only had my hips completely refused to work, a varicose vein that I had had for years suddenly decided to become a problem. I had sharp, stabbing pain behind my knee and in my hips every time I put weight down on a leg. It was not looking good. Between the varicose vein, the hip issues, the prodromal labor for going on 6 weeks, and the lack of sleep, I could not fathom how in the world I would get through labor. I couldn't walk, I hadn't slept in months, and the only cure to any of it would be to have that baby.

Ruby was doing great in there. She was so active all the way up to the day I had her, there was never any question of her well-being. I had also had the 20-week ultrasound, so as far as we knew, there were no congenital issues to worry about. My other children were all around the 7-8 pound range, so I had no fears about having a big baby (although I wouldn't have cared if she was 12 pounds. My mother had my 11-pound sister at home, so birthing a large baby was certainly no strange or fearful idea to me.) Ruby kept flip-flopping from transverse to head-down, which I am quite sure was the reason for all that prodromal labor. She didn't settle on a position until a few days before she was born.

Interesting fact: The entire pregnancy, we had planned on naming the baby Aaliyah Lily. Two or three days before she was born, Jeremy and I were laying in bed, and I told him I felt strongly that Aaliyah wasn't the right name for her. This really surprised him, since I told him when we settled on Aaliyah that I refused to change her name AGAIN (he is a picky baby-namer, we'd gone through hundreds of names by that point). But I said I felt that she should have a different name. I suggested the name Ruby, the name of a dear friend of mine. Then I realized that Ruby was also the birthstone for July, which I felt was auspicious, since she was due in June, but obviously wanted to come in July. So we agreed on Ruby. Then I suggested Lynn for a middle name because 1) it sounded like a good Southern name, 2) Jeremy's mother's middle name is also Lynn. So there you have it - she became Ruby Lynn at about 42 weeks pg.

Ruby clearly wanted her own birthday. I was due on June 23, which is my father's birthday. She did not come on that day. Then we passed July 1, which is Jeremy's little brother's birthday, as well as Darian's paternal grandmother's birthday. We passed the 4th of July, and July 5, her cousin's birthday. After that day, I began to suspect that she would never ever be born. I have a friend on the internet who had just 2 months prior gone to 45 weeks of pregnancy, so I set my sights on beating her for longest pregnancy.

Many long nights I was awake having prodromal labor. And many mornings I would wake up completely exhausted, and burst into tears that I was still pregnant another day. Every night I would say I didn't know how long I could continue in that kind of pain and exhaustion, but I would rather that than risk induction or cesarean section. I knew that being overdue in itself is not a high risk situation, and with no other indications of a problem, I could not justify putting the baby's health at risk for my own comfort. So I waited. and waited. and waited.

One night, I asked Jeremy to take pictures of my pregnant belly. I wanted to document how far along I was, and I thought it would be a nice change of pace to just play around. Just two days before, I heard that a woman in my church who was due A MONTH after me had her baby, and I was so depressed! I felt like I looked like a big fat cow, but I tried to have fun with it, and wondered how much longer it would be. We went to bed, and I tried to have a positive attitude about the next day.

42 week belly

I woke up about four hours later, at about a quarter to 4 a.m. to go to the bathroom. I was really surprised that I'd slept that long between bathroom breaks, but hey, I wasn't complaining. I got up and felt a distinct POP in my uterus. It felt exactly like water breaking, but I waited and nothing came out. I shrugged and limped off to the bathroom. While on the toilet, I had a contraction that was harder than contractions I had had before, but I assumed I was having another night of prodromal labor. I got up and made my way back to bed, because I figured I would at least get a bit of rest before I had to get up with Bella.

When I got to the bed, another contraction came on. I got on all-fours, just to rest while in the contraction. Now, at that time, we lived right behind railroad tracks. And right at the moment the contraction started, a train started coming. The sound and power, and movement of the train grew as the contraction grew, passed as the contraction peaked, and faded as the contraction faded. It was really cool. I don't know how I knew, but I somehow knew these contractions were different from the prodromal labor, and I knew I was in labor. I woke up Jeremy, and told him I thought I was really in labor this time. He mumbled something and fell back asleep. (He told me later that he figured it was another bout of prodromal labor.) I started gathering stuff between contractions, and told him to get up, it was really real this time! I went into the living room and turned on the TV, just in case it was going to be another teaser.

It was about 10 minutes and Jeremy still hadn't come out of the room. I started feeling like I desperately needed him to be near me, and it was that feeling that convinced me I was really REALLY in labor. I called Jeremy, and he finally came in to the living room. I hadn't bought any supplies for the birth except a drop cloth, but I didn't need it yet, so I told him to wait on that. I tried walking around, sitting down, but the only position that seemed the most comfortable was hands and knees. I wished at that moment I had bought an exercise ball to labor over, but I had to settle instead for the rocking footstool. I was laboring at one point in front of Jeremy, and during contractions, I would have him rub my shoulders, because it felt so relaxing and took my mind off the contractions, which weren't too painful, but were definitely powerful. (I kept asking him to rub harder. He did such a good job, my shoulders were bruised for a few days afterwards!)

I finally thought I should call my friends, who were going to be my labor support, to come over. It was probably 5:15ish by this point, and I was still very reluctant to call them and wake them up, just in case it was another false alarm. I finally decided to call Jenna first and ask whether she thought she should come over, since she lived about 30 minutes away. When I got her on the phone, she asked if I thought it was the real thing. I couldn't answer her because I was in the middle of a contraction! She said she would be right over, and she called Emily, my other friend, for me, to come over as well. I continued to have Jeremy rub my shoulders, and during this time, the contractions started changing from strong and powerful to painful and purposeful. I said to Jeremy, "I have no idea how women transport to the hospital in active labor. You could not pay me enough to get me down those stairs and into the car right now."

It is an interesting and indescribable sensation, transition contractions. It is usually at that stage most women have the feeling that they can't go on, and often the stage at which women begin begging for pain medications. Now, it can be very painful during that time, but more often, it is so purposeful that it feels overwhelming. It triggers the feeling of action - that you need to DO something. If you are at home, and have freedom of movement, it is easy enough to listen to that feeling. I can imagine that for women in the hospital (as it was for me in previous births), being strapped into a bed at that moment would be frightening and create a "caged animal" feeling. Well, in my case, they were definitely painful. I knew now was the time to just hang on and relax, and try my best to get through the contractions until it was time to push, which I also knew would not be long, if I was in transition.

I was well into transition when my friends came in. I never timed a single contraction, but Jeremy told me later that they had gone from 5 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart during that time. I was never afraid of labor in any of my births before, and this was no different. Pain doesn't scare me, and there's only one way to get a baby out, and it's by having labor. I never doubted that I would get through it, or that it wouldn't last forever. I just kept on getting through the contractions, and waiting for it to be over.

Interesting fact: I hadn't vacuumed my carpet in a few weeks by the time I went into labor, with all the mobility problems I'd had. While laboring on my hands and knees, I couldn't help but see how dirty the carpet was, and I was terribly embarrassed about it. When my friends came over, near the end of my labor, I even apologized to them for the messy house between contractions! Right after the birth, Jenna offered to vacuum my carpet for me so my house would be presentable for family when they came to visit.

When Emily and Jenna got there, they took over shoulder and back rub duties for Jeremy, who was getting awfully tired. Emily knows something about massage therapy and reflexology, so she worked on some "pressure points" to help the baby move down, but Ruby was moving down just fine, so I told her to stop as soon as she started. I could feel that baby moving down fast, and it just hurt worse and worse, the lower she went.

As she moved down, I inevitably had to use to bathroom. I was glad to go, because I definitely did NOT want to use the bathroom while pushing, and I also knew that many women say they prefer laboring over the toilet. So I asked Jenna to go with me, in case I needed labor support for contractions. I got sat down on the toilet and a contraction came, and holy cow that HURT. Now, the labor up to that point had been painful, yes, but bearable. I would describe that one contraction as gouge-your-eyeballs-out painful. Clearly laboring over the toilet was not for me.

We moved back into the living room where I continued to labor on all-fours. I thought a few times about asking someone to grab the camera and take pictures during labor, but I didn't want them to stop rubbing my back! I didn't have back labor or anything like that, it was just very nice as a way to distract from the contractions and help me feel supported. Some time during the labor, someone (maybe me? I don't remember) spread out the drop cloth and put down a bunch of old sheets. Also, during the labor I was burning-up hot. I had them crank down the AC as far as they could stand it, and Jeremy got our box fan out to blow right on my face. I don't remember him putting it up, but it was gone by the time the baby came.

My arms and legs were shaking and sore from laboring on all-fours for two hours by this point. Also, because the baby moving down was painful, Jenna suggested I tried a different position. She asked if I would like standing up. I wasn't sure, but I was willing to try. I stood up with Jenna and put my arms around her neck. As soon as the next contraction hit, there was a sharp pain and I screamed NO! and dropped back down. At the exact same time, my water broke. However, only a small amount of fluid came out, probably because she was engaged in the pelvis, so everything else was behind her.

I should mention at this point that I was being very loud. In my previous labors in the hospital, I had always been very quiet and introspective. I never made any, or very little, noise, and did not speak unless spoken to, at the end of my labor. At home, I suppose I felt less inhibited, so I just made whatever noise came out, but most of it was moanings of various intensities. By the end, however, after I stood up, I was straight up hollering. Not screaming or freaking out, but full-voice, almost singing. I watch videos of other women in labor and I am jealous at how quiet and serene they are. I almost feel as if I wasn't doing it right by being so vocal, but I guess you do what you have to do get through it.

During that loud laboring, Darian woke up and came out into the living room. She asked, "Uh guys, what's going on?" Jeremy said, "What does it look like, Darian?" She said, "Labor?" Then she rolled her eyes and said, "I'll be in my room," and she stayed there for the rest of the time. She told us later that it wasn't my noise that woke her up, but a bug bite. She only realized after she was awake that something was going on out in the living room. Thankfully, Bella did not wake up.

I was back on all-fours, and had one loooooooooooong contraction. That one contraction is the only time during my labor that I thought there is no way I can get through this. That contraction had to have lasted three or four minutes, and I felt that baby barrel her way down the birth canal. But I hooted and hollered through it, and as soon as it ended, I felt my whole body bearing down. I like how Rixa described it on her blog as "throwing down" instead of "throwing up" - that feeling that your entire body is working to expel something, but in the case of labor, it is coming down instead of up.

During that one long contraction, Jeremy was kneeling next to me, whispering into my ear, "You can do this. You got this. Come on." (He knows I enjoy guy-type motivation, and he was giving me exactly that.) Once it was over, I got quiet, and started bearing down. Jenna and Emily were behind me. The girls asked Jeremy if I was pushing. He leaned over and looked at me bearing down and said, "Oh yeah, she's pushing!" Meanwhile, I felt her crowning. I felt that good ol' ring of fire, but it wasn't terrible; I knew it would only sting for a second while everything stretched. In the next push, her head was out. I waited for a second, then something was painful in there while she was doing something, I couldn't figure out what. (Jenna told me later she was rotating at that moment.)

The three of them then started having a discussion about how exactly they should catch the baby. I could hear them talking about it, but I didn't bother trying to tell them to not worry about it. I had planned to catch my own baby, but realized in that second I would need to brace myself with my arms, so I lowered my butt down closer to the floor and planned to birth onto the sheets. While they were figuring out what to do, I was already pushing again, and before anyone knew what I was doing, she was already halfway out! Then all three of them reached in to scoop Ruby up, who had halfway landed on the floor, and was somersaulting the rest of the way out. Emily and Jenna helped wrap Ruby up in a towel while I fell forward onto my stomach on the floor.

I laid there on the floor for a minute, stunned and amazed. I couldn't believe it was finally over, but not the labor - the pregnancy! I was so blissfully ecstatic that I was done being pregnant that that was all I could celebrate for a minute. I swore a couple of times in exultation and just laid there, enjoying laying on my stomach, and being glad to finally be off my hands and knees. After a minute or two, I got back up, and Jeremy and Jenna passed Ruby to me between my legs as I sat back against the couch. Someone asked me if we needed a bulb syringe or anything for Ruby, but I could see instantly that she was healthy and purple and awake and aware, so I said she was fine. Jenna had the presence of mind to immediately grab the camera and start taking photos.

Moments after the birth

Ruby Lynn was born just before dawn, at around 6:18 am. The total labor was about 2 1/2 hours long, and there were absolutely no complications, or anything interesting at all about the whole thing. She came out head-down and anterior, in three pushes, and with no tearing.

After about 5 minutes of sitting there, another contraction came and the placenta came sliding out. It felt kinda weird, but not at all painful. Jenna scooped up the placenta into a bowl, as we had originally planned to do a lotus birth, in which you leave the placenta and cord attached until the whole thing falls off together, usually within 3-4 days. Jenna also helped me get cleaned up while Emily and Jeremy went around cleaning up other things around the apartment and grabbing more towels and sheets for clean up. Ruby was sucking on her hand and rooting around, so I offered the breast, and she latched on perfectly right away. I was so relieved and amazed, as Bella had taken a very long time to learn how to breastfeed. I laid back and let Ruby just get the hang of it. While I was looking at her, I was thinking how glad I was that we renamed her a few days before. She absolutely looked like a Ruby.

After about an hour, I wanted to get more comfortable. They helped me up onto the couch, where I sat and nursed Ruby another hour or so, while they cleaned up everything. It really wasn't that messy. There was obviously blood and fluids on the sheets I birthed onto, but they were easily bundled up into a trash bag. There was no mess anywhere else, so there was no cleaning to do otherwise. (There did end up being some slight mess on the couch cushion later, but it cleaned up very easily with a bit of vinegar and baking soda.) Emily boiled up the herbal bath for me while I just recuperated.

Enjoying my new baby

After a while, I was coming out of my baby-haze, and I was feeling ready to clean up properly, and was curious to know Ruby's stats. So I asked Jenna and Darian to help me weigh and measure her. Darian had some out some time after Ruby was born, I'm not sure when, but she was more than happy to help with the baby once she was here. Darian fashioned a little pouch out of an old pillowcase, and they stuck Ruby in the pouch and hung her from the little fish scale we'd purchased a week earlier. The scale isn't terribly accurate, but she looked to be about 8 3/4 pounds, so we called it 8.12. We measured her head at about 15 1/4 inches, so there was my answer as to why her coming down was so painful.

I gave Darian the task of dressing her while I hopped in the herbal bath. I cleaned up in the bath and assessed any damage (there wasn't any.) If you have never heard of an herbal bath, I strongly urge you to go buy some right now. It was amazing and warm, soothing and healing. It reduced perineal swelling and was totally relaxing. And it smelled wonderful.

After the bath, I got dressed and relaxed in the living room. Jeremy was holding Ruby at this time, and he asked if we could go ahead and cut the umbilical cord, since it was somewhat of a pain to maneuver the placenta and bowl around the baby. It had been 2-3 hours since the birth, and I decided I did not have my heart set on a lotus birth, so I said he could go ahead. (It also meant a lot that he was asking to cut the cord, as he had previously been extremely squeamish about it. At Bella's birth, he told the doctor to not even ask him to cut it.) I am ultimately glad that we did cut the cord, as I went on to use the placenta in capsule form, which helped immensely in the postpartum period.

After a little while, Jenna and Emily asked to see Ruby, and Bella woke up. So everyone finally got to meet the new little one.

Sisters meeting for the first time

Jenna meeting her little chublet

I couldn't have asked for a better birth. In a way, emotionally this birth wasn't much different from my hospital births. I had always ignored the staff around me and done my own thing anyway, so I already felt very confident in listening to my body. But the difference was NO HASSLE. No needles, tubes, machines that go Ping!, nurses, doctors, strangers, vitals, meds, beds, smells, stupid questions or irritating orders.

For a long time after Ruby's birth, I felt as if I did everything "wrong." The labor was fast, it was painful, I made a ton of noise, and nothing about it seemed particularly spiritual or life-changing. I had none of the usual cultural rituals surrounding childbirth, such as going-home outfits, footprint certificates, or official visitors. And on top of all that, I could not share my birth story with anyone without getting that, "Are you crazy???" look. It is a sad statement on the state of birth culture in our country when a woman who births naturally, in her own environment, following her human instinct, surrounded by her loved ones, is considered the weirdo.

In any case, it has taken me a good while to understand that a birth experience doesn't have to be anything but what you want it to be. My birth doesn't have to be new-age-y, magical, ethereal or painless for it to be meaningful, and it doesn't have to be supervised, technological, or professionally observed to be safe and successful. In other words, my birth was exactly what it needed to be for me: normal.

Happy Birthday, dear Ruby!